picture me {im}perfectly

picture me {im}perfectly.cooking

so here’s the truth,
i am not a very good cook.
i don’t really even enjoy cooking.
there, i said it.
eating?
yes.
baking?
yes.
cooking?
no.


it’s not something that comes naturally to me. 
i have no knack for “season to taste”

i don’t know what to do to make something that 
doesn’t taste great 
taste great. 

a few nights ago i overcooked the green beans
and i burned garlic bread.
it’s usually not that big of a deal 
(because i tend to do stuff like this all the time)
but when i messed up two of the three things we were supposed to be eating for dinner,
that’s when it’s uber lame.
big time lame. 


i can 
never ever 
remember that something is in the broiler. 
even if i have just put it in there.
two seconds earlier.
i have a hard time just sitting there, watching it cook.
it’s probably because i have a hard time being patient. 
and, i try to do too many things at one time in the kitchen 
(and in life)
and the end result is never good. 

(isn’t the fishie tucked in his shirt absolutely adorable?)

K would say i am not a very good cooker.

well, that’s not actually true 
because for some reason, she thinks that i can cook.
but she does think that people who cook are called cookers.
makes sense to me.

and you must read this incredible post about this very thing.


and thanks to Holly for linking up last week!
her honesty about her struggles is so relatable.

picture me {im}perfectly
is a weekly project to reveal that we don’t have it all together.

i will post a 
picture me {im}perfectly
blog post every wednesday 
where you will be able to link up to your blog
revealing that:

you are not picture perfect,
your kids are not picture perfect,
your house is not picture perfect,
your crafts are not always picture perfect,

let’s 
encourage, 
inspire and 
remind 
other women 
that none of us have it all together.  

add my button to your blog post
until next wednesday
and link up to your direct posting
and feel encouraged. 

851. the purple sky
852. the scent from our lime tree
853. the big bowl of lemons on my counter
854. being outside so very much yesterday
855. PT in our backyard

this blog is comment-free.

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picture me {im}perfectly.

i tend 
(always)
to spread myself thinly.
really thinly.
too thinly. 


i love starting new things.
new:
systems, 
projects,
commitments,
plans.


but my follow through isn’t always superb.
that’s not the fun part to me. 


new,
fresh beginnings,
births of projects,
now, that is my idea of fun. 



(photo taken by the lovely KS)


i think i can handle it all but my balance is not usually
(or ever)
balanced. 


in college, i took a photography course 
where one of our first assignments 
was to take a collection of self-portraits 
without actually taking a single photo of ourselves. 
one of the photos i took 
was a group of five small potted plants
that were on my patio. 
each were barely surviving. 


i want to 
do everything,
see everything,
be everything.
but i’m not.
and i can’t be.


Yet I am always with you;
   you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
   and afterward you will take me into glory
Psalm 73:23-24


picture me {im}perfectly
is a weekly project to reveal that we don’t have it all together.

i will post a 
picture me {im}perfectly
blog post every wednesday 
where you will be able to link up to your blog
revealing that:

you are not picture perfect,
your kids are not picture perfect,
your house is not picture perfect,
your crafts are not always picture perfect,

let’s 
encourage, 
inspire and 
remind 
other women 
that none of us have it all together.  

add my button to your blog post
until next wednesday
and link up to your direct posting
and feel encouraged. 


826. catching up on the phone
827. being here. really, really here
828. baking muffins
829. losing yahtzee to the kids
830. running into an old friend


this blog is comment-free.


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picture me {im}perfectly.

i like things to be nice and tidy and organized
and when my children or my house are not that way,
(a.k.a. nearly all of the time)
i get distracted.
so distracted in fact that it takes me completely out of the moment.

i can’t function if things are out of their places.
i can’t see my son’s great art design or
hear my daughter’s new song or
enjoy my baby’s new skills while on the floor.

it is really too bad.
and it’s not one of those things you would mention in a job interview
when asked what one of your weaknesses are.
it’s not something you could somehow disguise as a strength.
because it’s not. 

and if i’m angry or really tired?
oh man… 
for some reason,
that’s my “ideal” time to clean up the house.
which of course, makes zero sense.
but that’s when i just can’t deal with the messes anymore
and i must do something about them.
right
that
second.


but the ironic thing is, 
i generally get distracted from the things that are
really,
truly
important 
to me
and only 
half clean up
and half do
what i know i should be doing.
and in the end, everybody loses.
and my counter still looks like this:





picture me {im}perfectly
is a weekly project to reveal that we don’t have it all together.

i will post a 
picture me {im}perfectly
blog post every wednesday 
where you will be able to link up to your blog
revealing that:

you are not picture perfect,
your kids are not picture perfect,
your house is not picture perfect,
your crafts are not always picture perfect,

let’s 
encourage, 
inspire and 
remind 
other women 
that none of us have it all together.  

add my button to your blog post
until next wednesday
and link up to your direct posting
and feel encouraged. 


801. the little boy whose rolling body sweeps my floor daily
802. medicine that takes fevers away
803. delicious smelling candles burning on a rainy day
804. freshly cut flowers that stun
805. brown sugar. 
plenty of brown sugar.

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picture me {im}perfectly.

my life’s not always
filled with gorgeous days
inside and out of 
my home and my mind.
real life is riddled with tough decisions and heartache.
and the tougher life seems to be, 
the closer i get to God.
it is really incredible how He designed that to be.

this dreary photo is a reflection of 
our window in our dining table
and a reflection of 
the dreariness i am currently experiencing. 

picture me {im}perfectly
is a weekly project to reveal that we don’t have it all together.

i will post a 
picture me {im}perfectly
blog post every wednesday 
where you will be able to link up to your blog
revealing that:

you are not picture perfect,
your kids are not picture perfect,
your house is not picture perfect,
your crafts are not always picture perfect,

let’s 
encourage, 
inspire and 
remind 
other women 
that none of us have it all together.  



add my button to your blog post
until next wednesday
and link up to your direct posting
and feel encouraged. 

we also rejoice in our sufferings, 
because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 
perseverance, character; and character, hope.
And hope does not disappoint us, 
because God has poured out his love into our hearts 
by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:3-5

766. movies almost all day long for the big kids
767. a second chance to celebrate valentine’s day
768. dreary days
769. the perfect red flower right outside my window
780. a sweet, sweet husband who makes everything better

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picture me {im}perfectly.

i have something i must share.


i have a very hard time playing with my children.

give us an activity to do?
you’ve got it.
something to accomplish?
yep.
a puzzle?
you bet.
an art project?
sounds like fun!
a game?
no problemo.


but to just sit and play?
i’d rather not, thank you very much.

sometimes i feel like i’m being held hostage, like this guy.

i can sit and kind of play with them
while really cleaning up a little here and there
or working on my never ending to-do list
or whatever.
i can do all of that really well.

but being here
and doing nothing
is such a struggle for me.
i sit and watch B play,
just play with the kids
and i don’t know how he does it.
but i do know that i would like to play,
just play with the kids.

picture me {im}perfectly
is a weekly project to reveal that we don’t have it all together.

i will post a 
picture me {im}perfectly
blog post every wednesday 
where you will be able to link up to your blog
revealing that:

you are not picture perfect,
your kids are not picture perfect,
your house is not picture perfect,
your crafts are not always picture perfect,

let’s 
encourage, 
inspire and 
remind 
other women 
that none of us have it all together.  



add my button to your blog post
until next wednesday
and link up to your direct posting
and feel encouraged. 

741. valentine colors of red and pink all over our house
742. going out to dinner
743. opting not to run errands and instead playing in the front yard
744. using the 9 hour delay on my washing machine last night
745. watching the kids get muddy and not really caring 
(that much)

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picture me {im}perfectly.

this week’s 
picture me {im}perfectly
won’t be nearly as intense as last week’s.
phew.

for our Christmas card, 
65 photos were taken
and we ended up with only
three legitimate options.
all of which needed a little photoshopping by my sister. 

you see, this year, 
D blessed us 
(and nearly all of our photos)
with a collection of the funny faces 
that he has been working on in 2010. 

yep, he thought he was pretty funny 

and that somehow he was actually going to get away with those shenanigans.
which of course, he did.
that is, until i downloaded the photos.

and this one, 
is one of my absolute favorite photos.
i am seriously contemplating putting it above our mantle.
it makes me laugh 
every.
single.
time.
i look at it. 
this is our life. 

picture me {im}perfectly
is a weekly project to reveal that we don’t have it all together.

i will post a 
picture me {im}perfectly
blog post every wednesday 
where you will be able to link up to your blog
(or leave a comment)
for the whole week
(until the following tuesday).
revealing that:
you are not picture perfect,
your kids are not picture perfect,
your house is not picture perfect,
your crafts are not always picture perfect,

let’s 
encourage, 
inspire and 
remind 
other women 
that none of us have it all together.



add my button to your blog post
and link up to your direct posting
and feel encouraged.

716. reading to a freshly bathed babe, even if it is way past his bedtime
717. K’s willingness to do anything
718. extra moments that the Lord blessed me with in order to finish my CBS lesson
719. clean floors
720. no traffic

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picture me {im}perfectly.

i have something to share.
because i want to make sure that you
picture me {im}perfectly.


just like this bookshelf, 
i am a mess.

i have had a couple of rough weeks.
in fact, i have had more breakdowns
in the last few weeks than i have in a
long, long time.
and they have been the kind of breakdowns
that leave you tearful throughout the day
and given long enough to have 
only one thought 
running through your mind at one time, 
tears come flowing.
no matter if you are 
driving, 
at the grocery store, 
washing your face, 
changing a diaper, 
doing the dishes or 
reading a book to your children. 

i’ve been worn out.
really worn out.
like, 
“i can’t go on like this”
worn out.

when i have less sleep, 
i then feel 
vulnerable and 
anxious and 
not hungry and 
then this becomes a vicious cycle 
filled with
worry and 
fear and 
stress.

i know that a lot of it has been due to my lack of sleep.
but it’s also my weakness coming out.

we have had a couple of hard doctor’s appointments as of late and
i am usually able to translate what the doctors have to say about L 
into the hope and encouragement that God provides
but sometimes, 
particularly when i am worn down, 
it is hard for me.
i am just too tired to translate.
and so i dwell.
and i sink
and i get stuck
and then
i think about the future.

a few months ago, i heard an incredible sermon that addressed just this. 
the pastor said,
“doubt your doubts. 
be absolutely assured in His love.
because if we have despair, we see the end.”
which we don’t.
because we can’t.
and i praise God for that.
because none of us know what is going to happen.
at any given moment.
and that to me, 
is a wonderful, 
wonderful thing.

a friend recently said, 
that having children 
(special needs or not) 
is like having your heart outside of your body.
isn’t that a perfect description?
just perfect.

so when i think about the future, 
i get stuck in the specialists’ world 
instead of being firmly planted in my world 
of hope and joy in Christ.
the kind of joy that can only come from Him.

i am going through a grieving pricess.
again.
one that i haven’t gone through 
since hearing about L’s diagnosis, 
on day two of his birth.

but all of these feelings have stemmed from selfishness.
complete and total selfishness

i’m being 
stretched and 
challenged and 
changed by God.
and i am so grateful for that.
really, i am. 
and you know what else?
it’s not about me.
it’s about Him. 

the truth is, 
i am so grateful to God for all that we are going through.
truly.
though sometimes, 
when i consider what we are currently going through, 
i melt down.
my thoughts become so ovewrwhelming.
too overwhelming
to handle on my own.
and that’s because 
me,
alone
is not His intended purpose.
i can’t do this.
not on my own.
it’s just not possible.
but with Jesus by my side, 
i know that i can handle whatever is thrown at me 
(literally and figuratively)
and glorify Him in the process.

i want Him to be my everything.

pour out your heart to God. 
trust Him today. 
He shows His promise and His truth. 
(i think Charles Wesley said that)

We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, 
so that our ministry will not be discredited. 
Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way:
in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses;
in beatings, imprisonments and riots;
in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger;
in purity, understanding, patience and kindness;
in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love;
in truthful speech and in the power of God;
with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left;
through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report;
genuine, yet regarded as impostors;
known, yet regarded as unknown;
dying, and yet we live on;
beaten, and yet not killed;
sorrowful, yet always rejoicing;
poor, yet making many rich;
having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
2 Corinthians 6:3-10

picture me {im}perfectly

is a weekly project to reveal that we don’t have it all together.

i will post a 
picture me {im}perfectly
blog post every wednesday 
where you will be able to link up to your blog
(or leave a comment)
until the following tuesday.
revealing that:

you are not picture perfect,
your kids are not picture perfect,
your house is not picture perfect,
your crafts are not always picture perfect,

let’s 
encourage, 
inspire and 
remind 
other women 
that none of us have it all together.  

add my button to your blog post
and link up to your direct posting
and feel encouraged.

696. L (finally) sleeping enough during the day (thanks to my parents)
697. B, who completely, utterly and totally gets me
698. the moon shine
699. B’s bedtime story for the bigs every single night
700. being comforted by Scripture in the middle of the night

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picture me {im}perfectly.

i want you to do something.
i want you to
picture me {im}perfectly.
because you know what?
i am not perfect.
not even close.

have you ever?
yes you have. 
have you ever read a blog post 
where you just knew that the lovely woman 
who authored that blog had it all together?
and even though we know 
in the way, way back of our heads 
that they aren’t perfect, 
we still sometimes convince ourselves
that they would never, ever have:

laundry that has been sitting on their couch for three days
waiting to be folded and put away or
a floor that desperately needs to be mopped or
dishes that just sit and sit and sit in the sink or 
children who throw fits or
a craft that went completely awry.

so many bloggers seem to have it all together. 
but we really know that none of us do.
none. 
and you know what? 
that’s okay.
that’s more than okay. 
that’s real life.

because no matter how prepared, 
no matter how organized we are, 
no matter how much planning we have done, 

no matter how thoughtful we try to be, 
sometimes things just fall apart and
sometimes we just fall apart.
and i think that we need the 
regular reminder that 
that happens to everybody. 

picture me {im}perfectly
is a weekly project to reveal that we don’t have it all together.

i will post a 

picture me {im}perfectly
blog post every wednesday 
where you will be able to link up to your blog
revealing that:

you are not picture perfect,
your kids are not picture perfect,
your house is not picture perfect,
your crafts are not always picture perfect,

let’s 
encourage, 
inspire and 
remind 
other women 
that none of us have it all together.  

But encourage one another daily, 
as long as it is called “Today,” 
so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. 
Hebrews 3:13

for instance, D was so responsible to use the bathroom 
before his Christmas performance at CBS 
but not as responsible in making sure that his pants were buttoned.
he sure sang his heart out though!


here are some other awesome examples:

my sister reminded me that:
there’s beauty in the mess ups and the messiness of life.
there’s joy in happy accidents and what develops out of them.
there’s freedom from the wordly pressure of “having it all together.”

and, Auntie B reminded me that
women face great (and often unmet) expectations 
and most of them are self-inflicted.  


i have had a rather difficult time since L’s seizure.
and this past week has been particularly hard. 
i will write more about it next wednesday 
so that you are sure to picture me {im}perfectly. 


676. new projects
677. the super cute button my sis created
678. D heading back to school
679. a fun day at the park
680. tired kiddos who fall asleep easily


add my button to your blog post 

and link up to your direct posting
and feel encouraged.





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