are you ever in such awe of God
that you can barely stand it?

last week, i lamented to B about my day
and how i sometimes feel like
the world expects me
to simply do the impossible.

fill out piles of paperwork
that i need an interpreter for,
mailing something that needs to be received in just 2 days.
and then having the cute, lovely little post office
closed at the only time i could get there.

and then.
then, God just blows me away.
by a sweet and dear friend
who just can’t help herself
but to give herself so freely and wholly
to us.
and i just know it’s God.
and i am in awe.
and i know that He knows.
He always knows.
and He always comforts.
i’m just too stubborn
or distracted
or pathetic
to notice it sometimes.
a lot of the time.
but not last week.

And my God will supply every need of yours
according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

3616. sending my letter to all of the specialists
3617. chocolate covered raisins
3618. only the hum of the dishwasher
3619. 39 weeks!
3620. still being pregnant!

so we are just waiting.
waiting for this baby to arrive.
and i am in no rush to have this little one enter the world…
i haven’t yet hit that
“i’m done with being pregnant thing”
but instead am just soaking up all the kicks and hiccups
and the ease of bringing this baby everywhere i go.
and i am still in such awe that i’m nearly 39 weeks
and that the baby is still growing inside of me.
yet at the same time, i simply cannot wait to meet this little love!

i could just weep
when i think about bringing this baby up to my chest
the moment it is born.
like cry ugly tears.
i have never, ever gotten to do that.

it feels like every day that i am not in labor
is a bonus day.
whatever i get done
is above and beyond
any expectations that i have had for myself.
Ann Voskamp is right about how
expectations ruin relationships.
(and your life.)

if only i could live all my days like this.
i’ll definitely need to reread this
when i have four little people needing me at the same time.
yes, i must remember this.

and one of L’s doctors sent a prescription into our mail-away pharmacy,
and for the first time in four years,
all of the information on the prescription
carried over into their system.
and i didn’t have to make seven phone calls
to clear everything up.
it’s a miracle.
truly. truly.
bonus indeed.

Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!
Psalm 27:14

3611. all of D’s ideas
3612. how blue the night sky was
3613. not rushing
3614. the calmness in our home
3615. running errands by foot in the city

my mind has been so clouded lately.
but i’m only realizing it now.

i had freely placed a huge burden on my very own shoulders.
to keep this little baby in as long as i could.
i did this in my desire for control
and to avoid trials
instead of
trusting in Him.

and i don’t mean
trusting that everything will be okay
or will always work out fine
because those are empty words
and are void of any true meaning.
but trusting that He loves me.
and trusting that His control and will
is so much stronger than my own.
and what He allows or doesn’t allow
is always, always much better
than any “perfect” plan
that i could dream up.

so today i’m grateful for this clarity
and for finally letting go
of the responsibility to keep this baby in.
and the freedom in
letting and giving Him
the control over my life.
yet again.

For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.
1 Corinthians 14:33

3606. a long bath time for L
3607. a night out for the bigs and B
3608. bubble man
3609. dusk
3610. a night with the sweetest little boy